What Are You Nourishing?

Every day we consume far more than we realize we are consuming. We spend time consuming conversations with others, the news, music, social media, stories, and relationships. We consume books, articles, advertising, opinions, environments, other people’s emotional states, and our own repetitive thoughts. Then there’s the consumption of foods, drinks, toxins, and noise. Much of what we consume becomes so habitual that we stop noticing we have a choice. Over time, unconscious repetition quietly becomes the reality we live within. What happens when we rarely stop to notice what all of this is slowly doing to us?  

Hunger is rarely what it seems to be. Of course, we must eat to survive. But physical hunger alerts us that our bodies need fuel and nourishment to keep us healthy and functioning at our best. But once we satiate the physical appetite, sometimes we still feel an emptiness. Sometimes we aren’t hungry for food. Sometimes we’re hungry for acceptance, rest, belonging, or certainty. Maybe there is a deep hunger for comfort, purpose, being seen... or love. Sometimes we consume things that resemble what we’re longing for without actually nourishing that longing. The substitute may quiet the longing for a moment, but it rarely satisfies it. Social media, for example, can resemble connection. But in a society more available to one another than ever before in history, we are more disconnected and lonelier. Achievement resembles worth, so we strive toward accomplishments, get promotions, and work our way up a career ladder achieving a level of financial and occupational success. Busyness resembles purpose, so we fill our schedules and try to stay productive. Constant information resembles certainty, so we read, listen, and watch as much as we can in an effort to stay informed or knowledgeable. Food resembles comfort, so many times we eat things that may bring temporary satisfaction but long-term damage to our health. None of these things are inherently wrong and there’s no need to judge or hold guilt or shame around them. The question is, can they satisfy the hunger they’re standing in for?  

I think one of the deeper issues is that we’ve forgotten how to metabolize. Not just biologically. We’re meant to metabolize joy, grief, books, conversations, relationships, wonder, pain, experiences...  

We don’t become who we are because of everything we’ve consumed.  

We become who we are because of what we’ve metabolized.  

Digestion breaks something down. Metabolizing transforms it into something that can actually sustain life. What if we take in so much that we don’t even fully digest it all, let alone metabolize it? Modern life yields us the privilege of learning things we never thought possible before. We can gain new skills, further our education, and discover foreign cultures just by picking up a phone or getting onto a computer or watching a movie or documentary. It’s fascinating to realize how much we have access to. Yet, at times we may fall into the trap of constantly taking in more than we are able to fully digest. Our minds and nervous systems never get the chance to integrate what we’ve consumed. Over time, silence disappears. Reflection disappears. Wonder disappears. We lose the capacity to transform what we’ve taken in into wisdom. We can slowly become malnourished and starved for the nutritive benefits of what we’re consuming. It is possible to consume constantly and still become spiritually, emotionally, and psychologically malnourished.

Someone recently told me that after a difficult breakup he found himself endlessly scrolling through social media. Not because he particularly enjoyed it, but because it gave him somewhere else to place his attention. But he also had the awareness to point out that he realized he was doing it as a way to avoid processing his feelings. I smiled at this – not because I thought it was healthy, but because I thought it was profoundly human. Sometimes we aren’t scrolling because we’re curious.  

We scroll because we’re overwhelmed.  

We scroll because we’re lonely. 

We scroll because we’re anxious or lost in some way.  

We scroll because silence begins introducing us to feelings we’d rather postpone or suppress altogether.  

Now, let’s not demonize social media because it isn’t necessarily the problem. It may simply be the most efficient modern anesthetic. Pain seeks relief, just as the nervous system seeks regulation. The problem is that numbing and nourishing are not the same thing. Some people binge Netflix. Some throw themselves into work. Some drink. Some scroll incessantly. Some people jump into another relationship. Some stay endlessly busy with to-do lists. Though the behaviors may differ, they often move us in the same direction - away from ourselves. It’s not about how to stop scrolling – it’s about asking ourselves what feeling keeps asking for our attention every time we reach for our phones? Many of the things we consume are not attempts to nourish ourselves. They're attempts to postpone meeting ourselves. 

Over the years I began noticing the internal landscape certain forms of information consistently cultivated within me. Fear. Urgency. Outrage. Helplessness. It happened so gradually that I barely noticed it at first. But once it became habitual to watch it, I was captured by what I was being fed by the media. Not only was it polarizing and divisive, it was also devastating to watch and listen to stories of people around the world in a perpetual state of suffering. The fear being cultivated through these stories and the reporting style of it all led to an urgency in me to do something, while simultaneously feeling helpless to do anything. At some point I had to ask myself: Is this helping me become the kind of human being I hope to become? The news and social media in and of itself isn’t bad – that’s not the point. Rather: What is repeatedly organizing my nervous system? I already know suffering exists, especially since I’ve been a witness to it day in and out for many years as a trauma psychotherapist helping people overcome incredibly difficult experiences. I don’t need to rehearse it every hour through my social media feed, news articles, or thirty second reels to care deeply about it. Instead, I choose to nourish my attention with things that expand my capacity to serve. My energy is most useful when it's directed toward my own growth, creativity, regulation, and service to others. 

I choose participation over outrage. 

Discernment over indiscriminate consumption. 

In this way, I have so much more to share with others that will guide them toward the same and that’s the change I do have agency in. The question isn’t whether we should be informed. The question is what repeated exposure is slowly teaching our nervous system to expect from the world.  

When we are driven by fear, we lose our ability to discern and become agents of change in our own lives as well as the lives of others. We can begin to feel disconnected, disengaged in growth, and disillusioned with life. But where attention goes… energy follows. Intentionally choosing to place our attention on things that empower, fulfill, and connect us more to ourselves leads to the discovery of meaning and purpose. When we place our attention on relationships, energy goes into finding ways to reconnect, discover, and transform them into something beautiful and rewarding. This is true for romantic relationships, friendships, family, or community. If enough of us begin directing our attention toward what nourishes rather than depletes us, the culture we create begins to change as well.  

Attention is never neutral.

It quietly becomes the architecture of our inner world.

Discernment is not restriction. It’s devotion. It is an act of love. We all become shaped by what repeatedly enters us. So maybe we could begin asking ourselves: What conversations nourish me? What books enlarge me? What friendships challenge me lovingly? What ideas make me more compassionate? What environments bring me back to myself? This level of inquiry and discovery is what will lead us to true transformation and evolution – individually and societally.  

Sometimes we just need a pattern interrupter to awaken us to the power that lies within us. Realizing that we only get one lifetime and that our attention is finite, leads to the understanding that we have the power to choose what deserves our attention every day. Perhaps we don’t gain wisdom by consuming more. Perhaps wisdom is learning what deserves to become part of us. By training our attention toward the things in life that challenge us to become more curious, creative, connected, and loving we become more expansive. We become more engaged with what brings true meaning and provides vitality to our lives. Everything we repeatedly attend to leaves something behind.  

Stories.  

Conversations. 

Images.  

Relationships. 

Music. 

Grief. 

Love. 

Wonder. 

Nothing simply passes through us unchanged.  

We are always being shaped by what we allow to enter us. Little by little, we teach our nervous systems what to expect from the world. Over time, those expectations shape our minds, our bodies, our relationships, and the people we become. 

Perhaps the question isn’t simply what you’re consuming.  

Perhaps the deeper question is:  

What kind of person is your attention slowly teaching you to become?

Until next week's Field Note...

May you continue returning to yourself with curiosity, compassion, and the willingness to see a little more clearly than you did yesterday.

A reflection to carry with you:

What is my attention nourishing today?